May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
