She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
