ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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