She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
