Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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