wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
