There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
