dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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