some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
