Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
