My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
