mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
