we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
