all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize