i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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