I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize