my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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