Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
