Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No...this little piggys going to the bar
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
