best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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