I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
