I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
