He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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