just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
this boner is exhausting
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize