I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
