If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize