You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
