I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
