Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
