She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize