I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
