Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize