Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
