this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
