He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
