I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
