Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
