Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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