im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
