what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
