I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
