I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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