in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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