...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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