Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
