considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
