I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
