all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
