The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize