so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
