I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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