i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
