Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
