I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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