the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
