have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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