just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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