never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
