eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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