Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
