I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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