how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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