There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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