i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
