well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he shaved USA in his pubs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
