You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
