Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
