Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
