dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
